Letting go, moving forward and resisting the temptation to look back…. What a full-blown challenge!!! However, I see the act of letting go an important action to practice over and over again in my life – I imagine it to only get easier. Like conversation, letting go is an art worth practicing – an art that can set you free, so I choose to let go…
Today I had a moment of clarity – I suddenly was able to put some stale emotion to rest which was quite exciting for me! This prompted me to examine my physical ‘belongings’ and release some of it, to I guess kind of balance it out! I’ve never been one to hoard, as I’ve always been keen on purging and cleansing my closets every year or so, so they are usually quite well filtered, but there are certain ‘things’ that I’ve gotten so attached to. I feel funny (and even let out a little giggle) when I think of how silly it really is to own and keep close to 20 pajamas. Pj’s are honestly the ONLY ‘things’ I have a hard time getting rid of – I’ll throw out my collection of hand written cards before my collection of pjs! There is something about them that kind of tug at my heart strings…the same way Papryus cards, gift bags, beautiful wrapping papers and scrap book supplies do. I only wear which one is on the top in the drawer anyways, so I never get to the bottom 15! Ridiculous I know…I should at least put them in shadow boxes so I can look at them…make them useful in some way! shees! This all comes from someone who preaches to her family members that ‘ we only need one bowl, plate, fork, mug and cup per person in house hold -NOT a quadrillion! when you’re done, wash it so it’s ready for next time! ‘ or my famous ‘we only need 2 towels per person in the house – if you can’t cope- put em in the washer! We don’t need literally 30 towels…for um..3 people. Just makes so much sense to me………….. Over-comsumption ALERT!
So anyways, they’re just cotton so I heaved them out and dumped them into my VV (value village) bin, along with some books, shoes,blouses some shot glasses and figurines. Ahhh…feels good!Oh how I love simplicity ..the minimalistic kind of life is the life I like to live!
Letting go of things, well I guess at times is challenging – but letting go of stale thoughts and emotions is when one enters the stormiest of seas….a real test of willpower and inner strength. We all go through troubling times…beautiful heart felt moments….some fearful, some exciting! We easily keep the past alive in our minds – we live out moments in our imagination that we wish we could change, take back or re-live. Those memories are mere thoughts – dead, unchangeable, worthless, and thieves of current moment. Today along with the tossing of my pj’s, I’ve decided to make peace with some things, and move ahead..and not look back. It’s a change in mind set that I’m willing to adopt and practice – day in , day out because I know through experience how wonderful the results are in the end….
Like visiting a grave, I park my car and respectively walk towards it – shovel in hand – and tears in my eyes, for I know this will be the last time I come back to this post. In a way, these tears are of joy – I remember back to my first visit when I would thrash my body onto the ground around me, unable to breath, blurting out questions I wish I had the answers to..I remember the tears used to just fall out of my face without notice , without permission, like the an unwelcome wind catching you off guard in the street sending you in a whirl wind of chaos. . . this was my life – Every time I would visit my memory, old, dead and gone – I would stare into a tunnel of life-clips, and re-live those moments, re-live the words, the feelings, what went wrong, how I could have changed it all….bringing life into moments that were dead and gone.
Today as i walk towards my memory, I am taken back into the moment, re-living it one last time – smiling as I get deeper and deeper into my thoughts. My shovel feels lighter in my hands today, as I thrust it into the earth beneath me, I begin to cover this memory – putting it to rest – putting it away for good…After several heaps of earth, I gently pat it all down…I take a deep breath and my smile becomes so big I can’t contain myself, I start running… my hair blowing so crazily with the wind – I suddenly stop and want to turn back…like I always did – I would turn back and I’d feel at home again, re-living the suffering…I realize that today something magical happened – every cell in my body feels different – I feel myself vibrating with positive energy … I don’t dare look back, I feel at peace as I continue along the windy path back to my car…smiling of course, feeling freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee……….. !!
Today I practice letting go….Good bye Pj’s! and here’s me dumping one last load of dirt on top of stale emotion!!